[meanplastic]

omg

[pochowek]

im sorry this is still funny

[whitetrash-official]

a headline i never thought i would see

[stability]

(Via Rager133)

[earthdad]

baby: *is crying*

me: that baby has the world figured out already and at such a young age

[rrrronan]

someone: hey are u alright

me: *laying facedown on the floor* yeah why do you ask

[mydogsnokes]

60% of my sense of humor is zooming in really close on a picture of someone’s face

[miami-tea]

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

[theodorepython]

HES BREAD JIM

[4ngelo]

JESUS CRUST

[apiratenhisprincess]

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

[hawkeyebadasssniper]

Hold up, I’ll be at the funeral in a Jif.

[topherchris]

I’m 12.

[low-key-fucked]

swanronsonn

[obamasaur]

going to bed after watching a scary movie